I'm feeling much better about the weeds after this morning. There are still more weeds to pull (there always will be) but sections are at least under control. There's only one small section left that is truly out of control and hopefully I'll get that done tomorrow.
- This morning I harvested the first real radishes from the garden and that is rather exciting. Master loves radishes and I'm tickled that I'll be able to pack some in his lunches for the next few months. I never used to like radishes until I started growing the french breakfast variety, these are pretty yummy and not really hot, which I enjoy.
- Over the weekend, Master and I visited his daughter and her family. The step-grandson was graduating from high-school, I helped Master's daughter do all the prep work for the party. It was fun, I do so enjoy being in the kitchen. However, I beamed with pride when I heard Master's son-in-law and some other folks tell Him what a god-send I was... this makes Master proud and me too.
- The weeds are taking over the garden and seemingly my life. I need to get it under control this week, hopefully the weather will co-operate.
- The Dandelion Massage oil has finished steeping and was strained this morning. I can't wait to use it on Master this weekend.
- What's up with the 33 degree nights in June?
- Someday I'll write a coherent and real post here, I promise.
This coming Sunday marks 9 years that I've been Master's slave. In some respects it seems longer in that I have a hard time thinking of life without Him and at the same time it doesn't seem that long at all. I realize 9 years isn't really all that long of a time span when you think of a lifetime, but its not insignificant either.
I'm completely stumped on what to get Him too... I do have an idea but its beyond my spending without permission limit...
The lovely
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danaewhispering invited me to join a group blog project called Domestic Servitude. I'm honored to be among such amazing women and slaves, let me just tell you that.I posted my first entry today about making dandelion massage oil for all those aches and pains.
I hate seeing Master so obviously stressed. I want to make it better, because I feel like my job is make Master's life easier after all, but this isn't something I can make better. This is just one of those things, we talked about it, worried that it might not be a good thing hiring a neighbor, but knew he did good work and wanted to help out while he was laid off. Chalk it up to life experience I suppose. Still, it's no easy thing to ease Master's mind, reassure Him that's it no big deal, we can get by it - we can fire the neighbor and deal with strained relations if we have too (we're basically hermits anyway).
I've come along way in the almost 9 years that I've been Master's slave. I used to take these things rather personally, fearing that Master's stress level was some sort of sign that I was doing things terribly wrong. Now I know, they aren't my fault, they can't be - I don't make the decisions. Now, I know that He worries about making mistakes like the rest of us and He'll get over it in His own good time. While I wait for Him to get over it, I do my best to soothe and pump up His ego, I be extra frugal with the grocery shopping to ease His money concerns, and mostly I do my best to just give Him the space to work it out without me constantly reminding Him to just let it go.
I feel a lack of focus too, though Master hasn't said anything so I guess I shouldn't worry. Maybe I'll start using some prompts just to get back into the swing of things here.
Saw this bumpersticker on my way to work:
I can't come into work today, the voices said to stay home and clean the guns.
Seriously, its sick but it made me laugh none-the-less.
Yesterday, the temperatures hit 70 degrees, finally! It seems like its been an incredibly long winter. A week ago, I started the tomato and pepper seeds indoors. Master and I double dug the garden beds, yesterday. I love working outside with Master in the gardens - something about working in that beautiful soil in the gorgeous sunshine just gets the blood stirring. I have this fantasy about working in the garden naked in my collar and nipple clamps followed by a rinse with the garden hose, but living in town (behind a school) means that just isn't possible right now. But I digress...
This was a very rough week hormonally speaking. I was so incredibly sad earlier in the week followed by horrible cramping and nausea later in the week. I even had to stop in a Burger King while running work errands to get sick, yuck. The bathroom was gross too which didn't help me one single bit. I'm better today and even Master mentioned being thankful that the hormonal roller coaster was over, at least for this month. I'm grateful I don't have these kinds of months every month and that its just hit and miss.
Later today, a local organization is wrapping up a 3 day book sale. Today you can fill an entire sack full of books for $3, Master and I will be hitting that. I look forward to these sales, there are 2 a year and I always seem to fill at least one bag. We hit the thrift stores yesterday and I walked away with 69 canning jars for $5. I'm thinking we'll have enough jars to get us through a Montana winter now, maybe.
Why does the idea of submission and obedience bring about such strong reactions? Why do these kind of programs always make me feel like we need to hide our lifestyle, lest we be gawked at like some kind of train wreck? Oy, I suppose there will never be a day when a Master and slave can just be open about it without it getting turned into some kind of mental illness/sickness or something purely about kinky / deviant sex.
Ok, so I have nothing else to say really, just had to get that off my chest.
Here's where I get a little stupid, the taste was "off" just a bit, but we are talking about licking feet, potentially sweaty feet here, and I figured Master's sweat had interfered with the taste of the oil and went about my business. I licked and sucked until Master ordered me to give a blow job When He was done, we just kinda laid in bed and talked for while, nothing too hot and heavy at all. We got up and puttered around the house for a bit, and it hit me. I just felt sick to my stomach - not vomiting sick, just kinda off and a little burpy. Took us a few minutes to realize it might have been the oil. Sure enough the bottle had expired, by like a year. Yikes, we need to use that stuff up more quickly. It took me a few hours to get over that queasiness, but I'm glad it didn't get any worse than that.
That concludes my sex safety tip for today: Check the expiration dates on those edible oils before consuming.
The offer came on Saturday, I took the night to think about it and discuss it with Master. Originally, I was hesistant to take the job, though I couldn't exactly pinpoint why at first. It is a very good offer, with lots of flex time and other benefits. I'd be a fool not to take it. After mulling it around for a while, I figured out that my hesitation was basically wrapped up in the fact that I'm not quite ready to go back to work yet. I'm enjoying the time off, very much. Master told me, that I didn't have to take it, but He gently reminded me of some financial goals, and that in 6 months I might regret turning this down and considering the job market where we live I might have to take a job for much less money and fewer benefits. As I said, I go back to work on Tuesday. In the end, I'm grateful, truly.
In the meantime, I'm enjoying making fabulous meals for my handsome Master and being home to service Him on His lunch breaks. I do love being here serving Him in the middle of the day. Really, I can't think of a better dessert than my Master's cum. I've spent a ton of time serving as a footstool and very much answering all of Master's whims in these last two weeks and the mindset that puts me in is quite lovely. I'm calm and high at the same time. While I always answer Master's whims, obviously working limits that a little bit, for now Master and I reveling in this bit of "extra" free time.
I'm using these days off to do some deep spring cleaning. As a very domestic gal, I have to say I love this process. I'm enjoying taking room by room and moving all the furniture, cleaning, dusting, washing the inside of windows, washing curtains, even washing of walls. Carpet shampooing will happen in the next week as well. It's so wonderful to feel each room transform. While I do keep a clean house, normally, there's just something extra wonderful about this kind of very deep cleaning.
I'm also going to use this time to start seeds indoors in the coming week or two as well as just general puttering around the house. I've been working on the goals set out at the beginning of the year as well. One of those goals included, mastering sourdough starter and bread. My first attempt at making starter, took off without a hitch - the first attempt at bread with said starter was a complete flop. Yesterday I tried making bread again, and it turned out fantastically. Master loved it!
In the car last week, I stumbled across a parenting show on the radio. Normally I would have turned it off rather immediately, because I'm not a parent, but something apparently caught my attention and I listened for a while. The message was based on this idea that every day and everything you do as a parent has one of two effects either: 1) it strengthens your relationship with your child or 2) it weakens your relationship with your child.
I thought on that for a while and decided to apply that principle to my slavery and life in general. Every day I'm either strengthening my slavery and service to my Master or I'm weakening it. Obviously, anything I do has to be approved by Master first, but I can do things like make sure dinner is ready when He comes home, offer massages, refill drinks, etc. Am I doing the work necessary to strengthen my slavery?
Yes, I'm a slave and yes Master has to approve / make decisions - but that shouldn't mean that I'm complacent. I should be constantly vigilant in watching my Master and His desires and learning how to improve my domestic, sexual, and other skills to best please Him. I have the responsibility of asking for His guidance and/or approval when I see that I'm lacking in some area or when I feel like I need help learning something new. I should constantly be striving:
1) to make life easier for Master (within my rules of course)
2) to make myself more useful
3) to make life and myself more pleasurable for Master
I think this idea behind strengthening and weakening also calls for action. I have to do rather than think about or read about doing. I need to keep my focus small, not read every slave journal in the blogosphere for ideas but rather put ideas into action and serve my Master to the best of my ability. Every minute I spend reading about how someone else lives as a slave and comparing myself to her is a minute I've wasted. I'm learning that if I keep my focus small, read only the journals of folks I've gotten to know on some level, I'm much better prepared to do rather than read about doing.
The interesting thing is that the smaller my focus, the larger my growth and joy. Life can't be joyous 100% of the time, that's not reality, but if I can focus on my Master and not comparing my life with others, I can be content in my reality. That contentment leads me to wanting more and looking for ways to protect that contentment and strengthen my service to the One who owns me.
I thought about this for a long time (obviously since it was posted 5 days ago). I don't identify myself as kinky and so I've never come out of the closet with anyone. I guess I don't think I'm in any closet. I suppose in the strictest sense of the word, Master and I are kinky but it doesn't feel that way to us. I really hate trying to label myself or anyone else for that matter - because they never seem 100% accurate. Generally speaking we take labels that everyone uses and define them for ourselves and apply those labels as they make the most sense for our life. I don't believe I would fit most folks definition of kinky, I know I don't fit the label of a masochistic slave according to the many masochistic slave blogs I read, I do however fit the label of my Master's slave as He created the label.
However, to use the term slave with most people I know isn't quite an accurate way to label myself either. Most folks are immediately going to apply a definition that isn't likely to apply. So I approach explaining our lifestyle a bit differently to the 'nillas. Everyone who knows Master and I, knows "who wears the pants" in this household, most folks refer to us as old-fashioned, etc. We don't deny that, I'm open and honest about being a submissive wife but I don't generally share the details of our sex life with anyone. Sex to me is relatively private - I don't share the details of my sex life with any family member (nor do they share theirs with me) and I can only think of one sex conversation with a close friend and that was about blow jobs before I even knew about "kink."
Maybe I do a disservice to the TPE community by not explaining the whole lifestyle as it applies to Master and I, however; that's not really my problem. I tend to be (and more importantly Master tends to be) very private; keeping a public blog for the most part is a big stretch.
the music the Master dislikes.
i'm home again today because the part for my car needed to be ordered. i enjoy working from home a ton. The funny thing is that at the office, i don't usually listen to music, but here at home i play it constantly while working. Master is at work and i'm listening to all the music i love but Him, not so much. Master has never told me that i couldn't listen to something in particular when He was home, but i generally stick to the stuff we both enjoy when we're home together.
- Location:Home Office / Sewing Room
- Mood:
content - Music:Rusted Root - Remember
i got home and Master was waiting outside for me. In my usual parking space, there was a puddle of oil. My car was leaking oil in a bad way (something it wasn't doing just 2 days ago). Thankfully Master noticed it when He went outside to start His car before leaving for work. If He hadn't seen that, I would have been stranded and worse possibly have done serious damage to the engine. i hate dealing with car stuff, mostly because i don't understand it. i'm so grateful today that Master does and is taking care of this without any need for input from me.
In the morning, I met a girlfriend for coffee (someone I don't get together with nearly enough), after a while she asked about my plans for the day. I told her I was going to cut Master's hair for the first time. She's been a stay-at-home as long as I've known her, I didn't really know what she had done previous to children in the way of employment. She told me she used to be a hair dresser and was happy to come home with me and give a lesson! I called Master from the cafe and He gave permission for her to come home with me and give me the lesson.
We set up a chair and mat in the kitchen and got to work. I'm happy to say it went really well. Having her explain it to me and show me piece by piece was so very wonderful! It was so much better than reading the book or watching the video and she was such a great teacher. Honestly, it went so much better because of her lesson. Master is quite pleased with the whole thing. I'm baking her some cinnamon raisin bread this morning as a thank you gift.
My time with her before we came home was so uplifting as well. She's a submissive wife in the Christian way of surrender and it's always so uplifting with me to spend time with her. While I don't go into details about my slavery, it is nice to chat with someone who believes they should submit to their Husband and to be open about that. i'm incredibly grateful this morning for her friendship and haircutting lesson.
- Location:Sewing Room
- Mood: chipper
- Music:Tori Amos
